Adventures in Dumb

I recently moved to Cold and Dreary as Hell, Wisconsin to follow my fiance for his job. I have been unemployed for 3 months now and I am literally mere weeks away from this...

So today, after watching 4 back to back episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and since it was a tropical 43 degrees out according to my iphone, I decided that it was imperative to get out of the house and go for a run. I felt really super fat and inferiorly poor because of those OC bitches. I needed some serious endorphin action.

 Long sleeve Jacket? check.
Long pants? check.
Sneaks? check
'Moves like Jagger' on my pod? check.

That's all I need right? I mean I have ran in 20 degree weather before. I'm badass.

About 3 f*ing minutes into my run it starts to rain. Really? Come on! But I am bound and determined to not be a loser so I just blow it off.

I won't turn back.

 Its just rain. Big deal!

I keep running.

Then the wind starts.

Rain + Relentless Gusts of Wind =  Very Annoyed

Now I am about a mile away from home, thinking I'm tough for running in this weather, feeling good about myself and even passing by a fellow rain runner and badass.

I am practically a Navy Seal now.

Well the rain is turning to sleet and wind is blowing so hard and I am so cold that I start to get stabbing pains in my ears. At this point I am no longer jogging but walking furiously. Now I am just miserable and atleast 1.5 miles from home.


Why am I such an idiot? What possessed me? This sucks! Stupidstupidstupid! I'm definitely going to die now.

NO! Happy thoughts!! People have survived perilous conditions with simply the power of their minds!
Imagine being at the beach, the hot sun blaring down on my Xen Tan. I am not going to die of hypothermia.

Wait, how long does it take to become hypothermic? What are the symptoms? I can't feel my legs or arms now! Maybe I need to punch my legs in order to encourage bloodflow and thwart the frostbite. That wont look strange to the general public!

Then, I actually yelled at the wind and told it to stop blowing so hard. It was being a serious asshole.

I had officially gone cray-cray.

 I know I must have looked so miserable I was half expecting a driver to pull over and ask if I needed help or to ask me why I was such a tard face. I would tell them it was the Housewives fault. More specifically, Gretchen.

I thought seriously about calling my fiance to come pick me up.

Me: But honey, the wind is blowing really hard and I'm really effing cold! I think I really am
 I will be at the intersection curled up at the foot of the stop sign.

Nah. He already thinks I'm crazy. No need to fuel that fire!

So I kept on truckin'. I kept thinking of sunshine and preservered. Then finally made it home to my BFF the space heater.

(This is really my spaceheater and really my cat. I love them both.)

My motto of the day:.

If shit is cold and blows. Keep on truckin'. Think of sunshine and preservere.



Perf for ♥ Day!

I'm obsessed with ETSY! I just bought one of these adorable customized burlap pillows for me and my stud muffin...
$35 + $6. 95 shipping from Next Door To Heaven
Comes in 4 different colors of burlap!
Too cute!


Trend? Bold Bottom Lashes

Does anyone else marvel at Kim K's amazing eyelashes? Holy bejeezus. She must use Latisse and have  extensions and use falsies and primer and 3 coats of mascara. Good Lord.

But what stands out to me is Kim's bottom lashes. You don't normally see such emphasis on them. I used to think emphasizing your bottom lashes would "pull down" your eyes and make them look droopy, so I have never really put mascara on my bottom lashies - only the ones on the outer corner.

So lately I have been spotting other celebitches with bold lower lashes and thought I would experiment using the 5 steps of the Scientific Method cuz that's not dorky.

1. Pose Question: How will bold lower lashes look on normal people?
2. Hypothesis: Bold lower lashes look hot, not weird.
3. Conduct Experiment: Apply Dior Lash Maximizer (primer) and Diorshow Extase mascara, coating and emphasising bottom lashes just as much as uppers. Add some black eyeliner for drama.

YouTube video tips are essential!
Put lower lash mascara on before top lash

4. Analyze Results: I look stupid. Not something to rock every day. Not as flattering as emphasizing just the outer bottom lashes for the cateye look. This look made my eyes look rounder. and stupider. Maybe this would be a good idea only for those with a natural dramatic cat eye shape like Kim K. My eye looks droopy, and my undereye circles are emphasized yay!

5. Draw Conclusion:
Leave it for Kim. I look like a tard.

Fave Spring Nailcolors

CHANEL Riva. All Hail Chanel Nailpolishes!! Perfect!

DIOR Nirvana and my craptastic version of a self imposed manicure. Embarrassing!

DEBORAH LIPPMANN Waking Up in Vegas. Oh how I looooove this shade! Deborah's nailpolishes are the BEST. One coat, that's all. Super pigmented color.


DIOR Purple Mix. Dior's nailpolishes dry extremely quick! Loving that.

DEBORAH LIPPMANN Naked...on the Summer end of Spring I think.


Multi-tasking with Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream. Lip Treatment AND Bicycle Lube?

I'm busy. Well, I'm mostly just lazy, but I tell everyone I'm busy. That is why I like Arden's 8 Hour Cream. It comes in a tube and it is a stinky, orange-ish, thick balm that does it all. It has now become part of my bedtime routine to put it on my lips and then slather it on my rough foot spots. I have used many a chapstick for dry lips in my day, but this one really works. I have also used many a foot creams, but none get my feet softer. Celebs like Vikki Beckham, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Vagazzle & Fergalicious love this stuff. Now I know why!

It's also good for skeeter bites, brow gel, an overnight hand treatment, bicycle lube, and rough knees and elbows. I even read that someone sniffs it to ward off hunger. LOL!

The secret ingedient is salicylic acid a.k.a. beta-hydroxy acid. It is the ingredient effective in many acne treatment product because of it's ability to penetrate and exfoliate through sebum (oil) into the lining of the pore. It is a mild exfoliant, gentle enough even for rosacea and comes from the bark of the white willow plant.

About the stinkyness - it is sort of medicinal and smells kinda like geranium. It's not that bad!

Eat Pray Polish. CHANEL Paradoxal

My sweet honey just bought me this as a little love gift (along with Particuliere. Love you Noosh-Noosh!). Me gusta mucho!! I will wear it all fall, along with the classic, iconic Vamp, I predict. Yes, Chanel nail polishes cost $23, but think of these polishes as an accessory. Chanel colors are always the top trend (think summer's Nouvelle Vague. Beyonce doesn't rock just any color) and it's cheaper than a necklace! Atleast this is what I tell myself.
BTW how great was Eat Pray Love? Anyone want to go to Bali with me?


Nail Tips and Products from The Cosmetics Cop Team

Nail Tips and Products from The Cosmetics Cop Team
As ya'll know, I am a big fan of Paula Begoun, the "Cosmetics Cop". Click the link for some great nail tips! Then you can grow out your nails as long as these! SEXAY!
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