Adventures in Dumb

I recently moved to Cold and Dreary as Hell, Wisconsin to follow my fiance for his job. I have been unemployed for 3 months now and I am literally mere weeks away from this...

So today, after watching 4 back to back episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and since it was a tropical 43 degrees out according to my iphone, I decided that it was imperative to get out of the house and go for a run. I felt really super fat and inferiorly poor because of those OC bitches. I needed some serious endorphin action.

 Long sleeve Jacket? check.
Long pants? check.
Sneaks? check
'Moves like Jagger' on my pod? check.

That's all I need right? I mean I have ran in 20 degree weather before. I'm badass.

About 3 f*ing minutes into my run it starts to rain. Really? Come on! But I am bound and determined to not be a loser so I just blow it off.

I won't turn back.

 Its just rain. Big deal!

I keep running.

Then the wind starts.

Rain + Relentless Gusts of Wind =  Very Annoyed

Now I am about a mile away from home, thinking I'm tough for running in this weather, feeling good about myself and even passing by a fellow rain runner and badass.

I am practically a Navy Seal now.

Well the rain is turning to sleet and wind is blowing so hard and I am so cold that I start to get stabbing pains in my ears. At this point I am no longer jogging but walking furiously. Now I am just miserable and atleast 1.5 miles from home.


Why am I such an idiot? What possessed me? This sucks! Stupidstupidstupid! I'm definitely going to die now.

NO! Happy thoughts!! People have survived perilous conditions with simply the power of their minds!
Imagine being at the beach, the hot sun blaring down on my Xen Tan. I am not going to die of hypothermia.

Wait, how long does it take to become hypothermic? What are the symptoms? I can't feel my legs or arms now! Maybe I need to punch my legs in order to encourage bloodflow and thwart the frostbite. That wont look strange to the general public!

Then, I actually yelled at the wind and told it to stop blowing so hard. It was being a serious asshole.

I had officially gone cray-cray.

 I know I must have looked so miserable I was half expecting a driver to pull over and ask if I needed help or to ask me why I was such a tard face. I would tell them it was the Housewives fault. More specifically, Gretchen.

I thought seriously about calling my fiance to come pick me up.

Me: But honey, the wind is blowing really hard and I'm really effing cold! I think I really am
 I will be at the intersection curled up at the foot of the stop sign.

Nah. He already thinks I'm crazy. No need to fuel that fire!

So I kept on truckin'. I kept thinking of sunshine and preservered. Then finally made it home to my BFF the space heater.

(This is really my spaceheater and really my cat. I love them both.)

My motto of the day:.

If shit is cold and blows. Keep on truckin'. Think of sunshine and preservere.


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