Adventures in Dumb

I recently moved to Cold and Dreary as Hell, Wisconsin to follow my fiance for his job. I have been unemployed for 3 months now and I am literally mere weeks away from this...

So today, after watching 4 back to back episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County, and since it was a tropical 43 degrees out according to my iphone, I decided that it was imperative to get out of the house and go for a run. I felt really super fat and inferiorly poor because of those OC bitches. I needed some serious endorphin action.

 Long sleeve Jacket? check.

Long pants? check.

Sneaks? check

'Moves like Jagger' on my pod? check.

That's all I need right? I mean I have ran in 20 degree weather before. I'm badass.

About 3 f*ing minutes into my run it starts to rain. Really? Come on! But I am bound and determined to not be a loser so I just blow it off.

I won't turn back.

 Its just rain. Big deal!

I keep running.

Then the wind starts.

Rain + Relentless Gusts of Wind =  Very Annoyed

Now I am about a mile away from home, thinking I'm tough for running in this weather, feeling good about myself and even passing by a fellow rain runner and badass.

I am practically a Navy Seal now.

Well the rain is turning to sleet and wind is blowing so hard and I am so cold that I start to get stabbing pains in my ears. At this point I am no longer jogging but walking furiously. Now I am just miserable and atleast 1.5 miles from home.

 Shit.

Why am I such an idiot? What possessed me? This sucks! Stupidstupidstupid! I'm definitely going to die now.

NO! Happy thoughts!! People have survived perilous conditions with simply the power of their minds!

Imagine being at the beach, the hot sun blaring down on my Xen Tan. I am not going to die of hypothermia.

Wait, how long does it take to become hypothermic? What are the symptoms? I can't feel my legs or arms now! Maybe I need to punch my legs in order to encourage bloodflow and thwart the frostbite. That wont look strange to the general public!

Then, I actually yelled at the wind and told it to stop blowing so hard. It was being a serious asshole.

I had officially gone cray-cray.

 I know I must have looked so miserable I was half expecting a driver to pull over and ask if I needed help or to ask me why I was such a tard face. I would tell them it was the Housewives fault. More specifically, Gretchen.

I thought seriously about calling my fiance to come pick me up.

Me: But honey, the wind is blowing really hard and I'm really effing cold! I think I really am

pre-hypothermic!

 I will be at the intersection curled up at the foot of the stop sign.

Nah. He already thinks I'm crazy. No need to fuel that fire!

So I kept on truckin'. I kept thinking of sunshine and preservered. Then finally made it home to my BFF the space heater.

(This is really my spaceheater and really my cat. I love them both.)

My motto of the day:.

If shit is cold and blows. Keep on truckin'. Think of sunshine and preservere.

 hehe

Perf for ♥ Day!

I'm obsessed with ETSY! I just bought one of these adorable customized burlap pillows for me and my stud muffin...

$35 + $6. 95 shipping from Next Door To Heaven

Comes in 4 different colors of burlap!

Too cute!

Trend? Bold Bottom Lashes

Does anyone else marvel at Kim K's amazing eyelashes? Holy bejeezus. She must use Latisse and have  extensions and use falsies and primer and 3 coats of mascara. Good Lord.

But what stands out to me is Kim's bottom lashes. You don't normally see such emphasis on them. I used to think emphasizing your bottom lashes would "pull down" your eyes and make them look droopy, so I have never really put mascara on my bottom lashies - only the ones on the outer corner.

So lately I have been spotting other celebitches with bold lower lashes and thought I would experiment using the 5 steps of the Scientific Method cuz that's not dorky.

1. Pose Question: How will bold lower lashes look on normal people?

2. Hypothesis: Bold lower lashes look hot, not weird.

3. Conduct Experiment: Apply Dior Lash Maximizer (primer) and Diorshow Extase mascara, coating and emphasising bottom lashes just as much as uppers. Add some black eyeliner for drama.

YouTube video tips are essential!

Put lower lash mascara on before top lash

4. Analyze Results: I look stupid. Not something to rock every day. Not as flattering as emphasizing just the outer bottom lashes for the cateye look. This look made my eyes look rounder. and stupider. Maybe this would be a good idea only for those with a natural dramatic cat eye shape like Kim K. My eye looks droopy, and my undereye circles are emphasized yay!

5. Draw Conclusion:

Leave it for Kim. I look like a tard.

Fave Spring Nailcolors

CHANEL Riva. All Hail Chanel Nailpolishes!! Perfect!

DIOR Nirvana and my craptastic version of a self imposed manicure. Embarrassing!

DEBORAH LIPPMANN Waking Up in Vegas. Oh how I looooove this shade! Deborah's nailpolishes are the BEST. One coat, that's all. Super pigmented color.

 

DIOR Purple Mix. Dior's nailpolishes dry extremely quick! Loving that.

DEBORAH LIPPMANN Naked...on the Summer end of Spring I think.

Multi-tasking with Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream. Lip Treatment AND Bicycle Lube?

I'm busy. Well, I'm mostly just lazy, but I tell everyone I'm busy. That is why I like Arden's 8 Hour Cream. It comes in a tube and it is a stinky, orange-ish, thick balm that does it all. It has now become part of my bedtime routine to put it on my lips and then slather it on my rough foot spots. I have used many a chapstick for dry lips in my day, but this one really works. I have also used many a foot creams, but none get my feet softer. Celebs like Vikki Beckham, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Vagazzle & Fergalicious love this stuff. Now I know why!

It's also good for skeeter bites, brow gel, an overnight hand treatment, bicycle lube, and rough knees and elbows. I even read that someone sniffs it to ward off hunger. LOL!

The secret ingedient is salicylic acid a.k.a. beta-hydroxy acid. It is the ingredient effective in many acne treatment product because of it's ability to penetrate and exfoliate through sebum (oil) into the lining of the pore. It is a mild exfoliant, gentle enough even for rosacea and comes from the bark of the white willow plant.

About the stinkyness - it is sort of medicinal and smells kinda like geranium. It's not that bad!

Eat Pray Polish. CHANEL Paradoxal

My sweet honey just bought me this as a little love gift (along with Particuliere. Love you Noosh-Noosh!). Me gusta mucho!! I will wear it all fall, along with the classic, iconic Vamp, I predict. Yes, Chanel nail polishes cost $23, but think of these polishes as an accessory. Chanel colors are always the top trend (think summer's Nouvelle Vague. Beyonce doesn't rock just any color) and it's cheaper than a necklace! Atleast this is what I tell myself.
BTW how great was Eat Pray Love? Anyone want to go to Bali with me?

Nail Tips and Products from The Cosmetics Cop Team

Nail Tips and Products from The Cosmetics Cop Team
As ya'll know, I am a big fan of Paula Begoun, the "Cosmetics Cop". Click the link for some great nail tips! Then you can grow out your nails as long as these! SEXAY!

Chanel Double Perfection Compact Powder Foundation Knockoff/Dupe/Drugstore Double

I know many, many ladies love Chanel Double Perfection Compact Powder Foundation, but hate the price tag... $50. I would wear this stuff every day, year-round if I was a rich girl. I've tried all the drugstore brands of powder foundations and Maybelline Pure Stay Powder Foundation is about as close as I have come to Chanel DP.

The thing I love most about Chanel DP is the ever-so-slight shimmer, or "light-reflecting pigments" of the powder, and the fact that it covers great without a chalky, mask-like look. It really blends well with the skin. Much better than MAC Studio Fix Powder Foundation, which tends to sit on top of your skin.

 Maybelline comes pretty darn close to matching all the great qualities of the Chanel DP. The only drawback of the Maybelline Pure Stay is that the colors are a teensy bit ashy... Not quite right. But for about $42 less than Chanel, it is a steal at $8.

If you usually wear Vanilla in Chanel DP

Try Ivory 10 in Pure Stay

Tarte Cosmetics - Cheap on Hautelook.com 5/18/10

Tarte cheekstains are the bomb!

Get some ( along with other select Tarte goodies) at Hautelook.com only on Tuesday, May 18 (tomorrow).

One Day Sale!

Now off to spin class!

Is the New Revlon Colorburst lipstick really YSL?

This lipstick is super snazzy! Described as luxurious, rich color that feels virtually weightless. 'Tis true.

I was pleasantly suprised to find a drugstore lippy as smooth and silky as Yves Saint Laurent. No shittle. (If you have not ever tried Yves Saint Laurent lipstick before, it is like freaking butter. You must own one atleast one before you die.) Plus there is a $3 OFF coup here so you can get your own. I got my shade in Blush, which perfectly enhances my own natural lip hue for an au naturel look. It wears great and doesn't dry my lips out. It has virtually no smell. LOVE!!!

There's poop in that lipgloss

Here's a great article from Paula Begoun about E. Coli and other various, icky microbials in tester makeup.
I worked at several cosmetic counters and it used to GROSS ME OUT me how people would just come up to my counter and put tester mascara right on their eyes.
Effing nasty.
Just read this little gem of tester hygeine etiquette and never put any tester product near your eyes or mouth, dumbass.. .and I just probably saved your life if you do.

"Lots of women love going to a cosmetic counter, salon, spa, or their local Sephora store to play with the skin-care and makeup products on display there (I know I do!). It is almost impossible to pass through the cosmetic section of a department store without something catching your eye. The irresistibly arrayed and easily accessible tester units beckon you to try on a lipstick, foundation, concealer, eye shadow, or moisturizer directly on your face. But you might want to think twice before doing that again because it may be riskier than you think.

Despite the fun you can have at the cosmetic counter, in reality these tester units are almost always rife with bacteria, mold, or fungus (or all three), and that isn’t funny. There hasn’t been a lot of research on the issue, but the little that exists has shown the pretty lip gloss or moisturizer you’ve just tried on is probably contaminated with microbes which can include staphylococcus and even E. coli.

Vagazzle my Vajay?

Fo Shizzle my Nizzle!



Apparently, Jennifer Love Hewitt announced on George Lopez that she gets a brazilian wax job and then Swarovski crystals her hoo-ha. Sounds like fun until you really start to think about it. This must be what bored, rich celebrities do to get their jollies.

Do any of you out there have enough free-time and money and a borderline porno-sex life that you require your vag to twinkle like a disco ball?? I'm not judging.

Things that sparkle make me stupid, so maybe for my wedding...

MAC To The Beach 2010 Summer Collection

To the Beach? More like To the Poorhouse!

For Release May 27, 2010

CLICK ON PIC FOR LARGER IMAGE

Here's the Lowdown:
To the Poorhouse Shadows $14.50

•Sand & Sun: Light Peach (Matte)

•Firecraker: Frosted Mid-Tone Red Orange (Veluxe Pearl)

•Sweet & Punchy: Bright Yellow Green (Veluxe Pearl)

•Shimmermoss: Green with Green Pearl (Veluxe Pearl)

•Humid: Intense Green with Shimmer (Frost)

 Lipstick $14

•BeachBound: Sheer Frosted Pale Peach (Glaze)

•Lazy Day: Light Dirty Blue Pink (Lustre)

•Thrills: Rosy Copper with Gold Pearl (Frost)

•FunBathing: Mid-Tone Bronzed Plum (CremeSheen)

 Lipglass $14

•Easy Lounger: Light Baby Pink with Multi-Dimensional Pear

•Flurry of Fun: Sheer Sparkly Peach

•Splashing: Mid-Tone Blue Pink with Soft Gold Pearl

Lip Pencil $13

•Life’s a Breeze: Soft Pink

•Temperature Rising: Loudmouth Orange

Eye Kohl $14.50

•Float on By: Dark Green Turquoise

•Rosemary & Thyme: Mid-Tone Olive Gold with Shimmer

Powder Blush $18.50

•Hipness: Intense Coral with Soft White Pearl (Frost)

•Get-Away Bronze: Mid-Tone SunTan (Frost)

High-Light Powder $26

•Marine Life: Multicolour Pressed Powder

 Nail Lacquer $12

•In the Buff: Muted Taupe Avocado (Cream)

•Scorcher: Creamy Bright Coral Red (Cream)

CLICK ON PIC FOR LARGER IMAGE

MAC To The Beach Bag $49.50

Cream bronzer $25


•Beach Bronze: Golden Glow with Soft Gold Finish

•Weekend: Mid-Tone Deep Orange Brown with Soft Pink Pearl

Luster drops $18.50


•Pink Rebel: Blue Pink with Gold Pearl

•Sun Rush: Peachy Bronze with Gold Pearl
 
Bronzing Powder $22
 
•Golden: Muted Golden Tan-Beige with Golden Shimmer

•Refined Golden: Finely Spun Golden with Soft Pearl Finish
 
Bronze Body Oil $22
 
•Glowing Tan with multidimensional Golden Shimmer
 
Brush 130 Short Duo Fibre $38
 
A short, round dual fibre with flat head composed of both natural bristles and synthetic fibers ideal for application with creams, emulsions & various powder products.

Brush 130 Short Duo Fibre Powder/ Blush $34

Flat, tapered face brush that contains a combination of short, natural, fibers and longer, fibre optic fibries ideal for light application and highlighting/ shading with various face powders; Ideally suited with mineralize skinfinish powder products.

more pics and swatches


What do you think of this collection? I think BORING! Nothing new here MAC!

Shu Uemura Gem Glam Collection Summer 2010

Shu Uemura Gem Glam Collection Summer 2010 |The Makeup Divas Beauty Blog

http://www.shuuemura-usa.com/_us/_en/collections/seasonal/gem-glam/index.aspx

Essie Summer Collection 2010

6 New Colors Available June 1st, 2010

Here's the Lowdown:

HAUTE AS HELLO

DEMURE VIXEN

KNOCKOUT POUT

MISS MATCHED

VERMILLIONAIRE

PRETTY EDGY

All About $8.50

Essie Summer 2010 Collection

POP Beauty on Sale at Hautelook.com Right NOW

GO TO Hautelook.com

PRICES ARE DIRRRRT CHEAP!!

N.Y.C. In a New York Color Minute Quick Dry Nail Polish Review

This is shade 242B Uptown

Ugh, I have a super snot-filled cold going on, so I decided to paint my nails a bright, indulgent shade of girly-girl pink to make me feel better. I had a BOGO coupon for this N.Y.C. " In a New York Minute" quick dry nail polish and WOW I am impressed! This pic is after just ONE coat! AND it really does dry fast. Not in a New York minute, but more like a minute in Idaho, or maybe North Dakota.

I usually apply polish coats in thin layers, but the trick with this one is to apply in one even, thick layer.

Best $1.79 I ever spent!

Some other cool colors to check out for Spring are SoHo (peachy-pink), Wall Street (bubblegum pink) and Park Ave (lilac) check out all the colors here.

Bargain Alert! Three Custom Color Specialists

Enter code PRO3 at checkout at threecustom.com and receive 30% off all online purchases through midnight May 2 EDT. (Kinda short notice, I know. Sorry)

I have not tried this line, but several makeup artists rave about it. Check it.

Now's a great time to try! Let me know what you think!

Bargain Alert! Becca Cosmetics

Becca has an INSANE color variety of foundations/concealers/powders that are impeccable!

This line is great and I wonder why it doesn't get more press. Hmmmm. 

Anyhoo, sign up at Hautelook.com for the sale. Hautelook hosts private, limited-time sale events with today's top brands for women, men, kids, home, and beauty. Lasting between 48-72 hours. Up to 75% Off!

Becca sale starts Monday 5/3/10

Bargain Alert! Paula's Choice $5-$20 OFF

Paula's Choice is my fave skincare line

Go here to shop!